Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
