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i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
