If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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