you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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