i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
