someone threw a dead crab at me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
