Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
