benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
