if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
