her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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