And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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