totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
