it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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