I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
