True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
