Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
