I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is the high leading the old right now
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
