Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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