ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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