Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
