I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
