Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
