White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
