You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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