Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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