this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
