Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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