i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
