I accidentally burped into my bong.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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