he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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