Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
