this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
