I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
