tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
