conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Congratulations! We have a period
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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