I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
