legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
