somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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