getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
