the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
