my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
