I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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