so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
