Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
