East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
