I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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