Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
