Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
