I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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