dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
