24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
