Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
