I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
