MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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